If all goes according to plans and to your very hard work, you are creating a fabulous wedding ceremony and reception at the end of which, thanks to your heartfelt wedding vows, you will be married to your partner. Wow. From being not too far on the other side of that benchmark, I have to say to you that it's a fairly monumental thing!
But getting from engagement to marriage is not a straightforward or easy task! There are mind-numbing details and obstacles you had no idea could pop up. Hmm. Wow, so your cousin three times removed wants to be a junior bridesmaid, but I've told my sister/brother that she/he can't stand up with me? It happens. Every marriage has at least one story.
And the list of other things you have to do while you're moving through this planning process is long: you have to work, you have to maintain your house, you have to maintain your health, you have to maintain your partnership, and because you're about to ask an awful lot of them, it's helpful if you can spend some time maintaining your friendships. And now Wedding Priestess is going to give you another thing to do.
I'm going to suggest that each of you practice spoiling one another. Here's the catch about spoiling your partner" You need to know what they like or it's not spoiling. That's energy that doesn't give you anything except perhaps resentment. Deep curiosity and careful listening is the key to good spoiling.
How about this? Why not try, for just one week to do one thing a day that spoils your partner? Give your partner a magazine he or she loves and do a chore that will give them 20 minutes to sit and leaf through it. Give a footrub. Draw a bath. Polish his or her shoes. Order a favorite lunch delivered to his or her work. (pay attention here, if he or she is dieting, spaghetti and chocolate cake are not going to win you any points!) Straighten up the closet. Here are the things you need to remember about spoiling.
- This is something that he or she doesn't need to exist.
- It doesn't need to be huge, in fact, it's more fun if it's just a little something.
- Make it a surprise.
- Give it with an open heart. Don't begrudge this, don't be mad if your partner can't reciprocate. (Although if you do it long enough he or she will get the knack.) Do it because you're so overwhelmed with joy to be marrying your sweetie beloved.
If you make this a practice during the wedding planning period, it will keep both of you focused on your delight in one another. That means when you're dragging through the mire of details, you'll be able to stop and giggle because a flower showed up on your vanity in the bathroom or 6 new pairs of sweatsocks with no holes were suddenly in your drawer. Then you go back to the job refreshed. The work will be much more creative and the results splendid.
And then, throughout your marriage, continue the practice. Put it on your calendar if you're forgetful. "Spoil beloved today." Call up and leave our wedding song on her answering machine. Read an article about something that interests him, and email the link to him. This kind of thoughtfulness will make you a great spouse. And that will keep you married a long time!
Bottom Line?: Give your relationship the chance it deserves to succeed wildly, against all odds! After all, you deserve it. Your relationship deserves it! And now I'd like to invite you to sign up to receive 2 free templates for creating the wedding ceremony of your dreams, the wedding vows of your heart and the marriage of a lifetime: http://annkeelerevans.org/weddings/free
The Rev. Ann Keeler Evans - helping you move from "I do" to happily and healthily ever after!
